Mood: Transcendent. Temporarily. This morning I decided to embrace stillness. A radical act for a man of motion, momentum, and multiple unfinished memoirs. I was told by a suspiciously calm intern that meditation “reduces stress and… I Tried Meditation Once. The Universe Apologised.

Mood: Windswept, but resolute I awoke today to a troubling report from my advisors (me). The public is once again debating the origin, structure, and aerodynamic properties of my hair. Now, let’s be clear: this is not just… The Hair of Leadership, and Other Natural Disasters

Mood: Reflective, like a golden mirror in a thunderstorm Today I strode into the morning with the purposeful air of a man late for nothing but destined for everything. I took a walk. Not for… I Went for a Walk, the Pavement Complained

How I Single-Handedly Saved the Middle East (Again) By Boris Trump Statesman. Peacemaker. Humble Global Icon. This week, as the world teetered on the brink of yet another Middle Eastern meltdown—complete with missiles, metaphors, and… Ceasefire? More Like Cease-Farce

Mood: Majestic with a hint of misunderstood genius This morning, as dawn broke like an overcooked soufflé, I arose from my slumber atop a mattress woven from discarded manifestos and crushed opposition. The sun dared… I Awoke, Therefore the World Continues